Where to begin? I'm sitting here on the computer typing this for reasons unknown. I don't know if anyone will ever read it, or if a few will. All I know is that I am writing for the purpose of writing. Almost as if by writing...whatever this is, some part of me is out there, out for people to read if they feel like it, or skip over if they feel like it. Me trying to add my view of things instead of automatically accepting what other people want me to think. Should this mean anything? What if it means nothing? I guess whether it means anything or not, it's still out here, so here I go.
Well, anyways I hate how in today's society people are so focused... or rather blinded, by the media and the newest fashions, and what's "hot". These fads that make people dumb themselves down for popularity, so they are even lying to themselves, and are just ridiculous things that are going to fade away. Even mainstream and modern music is just the same stuff from last year, or rather last "season" just regurgitated by the next group or band that somehow surfaces to the top. It's all supposed to seem "deep", and you see people quoting songs in their aol profiles about things like how fake they think someone is, but the sections they are quoting are often times exact images of themselves. Yeah, you're real deep Ms. Fall Out Boy. Or I'll hear people gossiping in school about how someone they hate is a big fake, well look who's talking. It seems that in this rush for high school popularity that won't matter anyways, people forget how to be human, and they stomp on whoever they need to to get there...
They take a second to look at something out of twisted curiosity, and then they make their judgments. And the sad thing is that many of these judgments actually matter in the eyes of most people. Why the need to judge in the first place? So they can group things into categories like "hot" or "nerdy" or "gay" or "stupid" and then stomp on what they think doesn't matter?
In school I feel so different because I don't dress like little-miss-thing, and I certainly don't put on the ditsy act with the guys. Most of the guys in my school are brain dead or just plain tools. I don't go to the dances because I hate what they represent: trying to get the hottest guy to dance with you like a slut on the dance floor to some shallow hip hop so you can get talked about in school the next day. I don't go to parties because of my parents (thats another story...). I get good grades and I have to do what I'm told. I see people jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend, and what I don't understand is how these guys could even stand dating some of these girls. They are all fake with their fake personalities, their fake nails, fake giggles, fake friendships with people they would throw under the big yellow school bus in a second. Maybe even less than a second if there was popularity on the line. In middle school I never really thought that there were the real obnoxious preppy girls, and I thought all the shows and movies were overdramaticized. Well, last year as soon as high school started and girls realized that older guys liked them, boy was I wrong. They all turned so catty and fake, and all they care about is boys, getting drunk, or gossiping about someone else. How is that kind of life satisfying?
I honestly don't know, and it kills me inside to see what is going on in the world today, and how people are acting. I guess I see why they call us the MTV generation, even though that is a pretty broad spectrum of people to be putting under that label. I hate mtv. I hate mainstream music, it has no substance, and it will be forgotten in the years to come. I hate mindless stupid girls. I hate how people have to treat each other. I hate the direction this world is going in.
What exactly is my generation going to have to leave behind to future generations if everything is disposable, and nobody thinks anymore? It's just draining on me to be stuck in such a crap town where I have maybe one good friend, and a couple guy friends. I still don't feel comfortable talking to my own best friend about some of the things that bother me because she has even been turning into "one of them" I can see she is getting sucked into all the propaganda of what this world has to offer, or more like what this world has to take from her. Like a sense of dignity, and the ability to stand up for your own beliefs and not do what the "cool" people think.
I just hate the way things are DEvolving, and I don't know what to do because no one seems to feel the same around here. It's almost like I'm invisible, and in school I'm just one of the "smart kids" who is expected to do well and have the perfect fucking life. Everyone just needs to grow up and stop jumping to conclusions and judging people, which is what seems to be the root of many of the problems in society today.
All I've got is music, and it seems that its all I'm going to ever have. I just don't care anymore, and that's that. I could whine and complain and be "woe is me" like lots of kids do these days when their boyfriend-of-1-week broke their heart, but what is that going to do? I'm hoping that what I'm experiencing now and how I'm growing up will help me out when I'm older to be the person I want to be.
