I'm so jealous!

So yesterday was the Myspace Secret Show for the Cure. It was announced yesterday morning, and some lucky COF'ers got to go! It was a free show in LA, and I wish I could have been there. I live on the east coast, so I'm not getting any of this recent Cure love. I'm happy for those of you who got to go to that really intimate show.

Oh the christmas season

Kinda mixed feelings. I didn't really know what I wanted for christmas this year. Well, actually, I wanted a Fender Jazz Bass, but my parents refused, so I settled on a recording interface for my computer. I know I'm getting it, and I'm asking for a bunch of cd's as well.

Anyways, with the christmas season, everyone is running around like maniacs in stores, and everyone talks about how "cheery" the holiday season is, and how it's a time for family. For me it doesn't really change anything, other than the cold, grey weather (which I love) and what people talk about. It seems that the days leading up to Christmas are the most christmasy, and on christmas, it's kind of a disappointment since you didn't get everything you wanted, and it's all over. I just want to get high school over with so I can move to boston and go to music school.

Stutter

I'm feeling really gone, need to think some things out. I'm not gonna get into it, but things are feeling really hard again, don't know how much I can take. I'm not a poet, I don't intend to be, but I need something now.

"I'm sitting down
In the corner of the room
I reach out for words
A breath of reason
But I stop
And remember the sound
Walk away the first time
The last time

Catch me in a drowning haze
Stuttering senses
Stuck on every word
Do it now, Do it now, Do it now
Every mistake another step
Yellow fades to grey
Colors so sour and sick
Push me, push me, push me again..."

Some thoughts

Where to begin? I'm sitting here on the computer typing this for reasons unknown. I don't know if anyone will ever read it, or if a few will. All I know is that I am writing for the purpose of writing. Almost as if by writing...whatever this is, some part of me is out there, out for people to read if they feel like it, or skip over if they feel like it. Me trying to add my view of things instead of automatically accepting what other people want me to think. Should this mean anything? What if it means nothing? I guess whether it means anything or not, it's still out here, so here I go.

Well, anyways I hate how in today's society people are so focused... or rather blinded, by the media and the newest fashions, and what's "hot". These fads that make people dumb themselves down for popularity, so they are even lying to themselves, and are just ridiculous things that are going to fade away. Even mainstream and modern music is just the same stuff from last year, or rather last "season" just regurgitated by the next group or band that somehow surfaces to the top. It's all supposed to seem "deep", and you see people quoting songs in their aol profiles about things like how fake they think someone is, but the sections they are quoting are often times exact images of themselves. Yeah, you're real deep Ms. Fall Out Boy. Or I'll hear people gossiping in school about how someone they hate is a big fake, well look who's talking. It seems that in this rush for high school popularity that won't matter anyways, people forget how to be human, and they stomp on whoever they need to to get there...

They take a second to look at something out of twisted curiosity, and then they make their judgments. And the sad thing is that many of these judgments actually matter in the eyes of most people. Why the need to judge in the first place? So they can group things into categories like "hot" or "nerdy" or "gay" or "stupid" and then stomp on what they think doesn't matter?

In school I feel so different because I don't dress like little-miss-thing, and I certainly don't put on the ditsy act with the guys. Most of the guys in my school are brain dead or just plain tools. I don't go to the dances because I hate what they represent: trying to get the hottest guy to dance with you like a slut on the dance floor to some shallow hip hop so you can get talked about in school the next day. I don't go to parties because of my parents (thats another story...). I get good grades and I have to do what I'm told. I see people jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend, and what I don't understand is how these guys could even stand dating some of these girls. They are all fake with their fake personalities, their fake nails, fake giggles, fake friendships with people they would throw under the big yellow school bus in a second. Maybe even less than a second if there was popularity on the line. In middle school I never really thought that there were the real obnoxious preppy girls, and I thought all the shows and movies were overdramaticized. Well, last year as soon as high school started and girls realized that older guys liked them, boy was I wrong. They all turned so catty and fake, and all they care about is boys, getting drunk, or gossiping about someone else. How is that kind of life satisfying?

I honestly don't know, and it kills me inside to see what is going on in the world today, and how people are acting. I guess I see why they call us the MTV generation, even though that is a pretty broad spectrum of people to be putting under that label. I hate mtv. I hate mainstream music, it has no substance, and it will be forgotten in the years to come. I hate mindless stupid girls. I hate how people have to treat each other. I hate the direction this world is going in.

What exactly is my generation going to have to leave behind to future generations if everything is disposable, and nobody thinks anymore? It's just draining on me to be stuck in such a crap town where I have maybe one good friend, and a couple guy friends. I still don't feel comfortable talking to my own best friend about some of the things that bother me because she has even been turning into "one of them" I can see she is getting sucked into all the propaganda of what this world has to offer, or more like what this world has to take from her. Like a sense of dignity, and the ability to stand up for your own beliefs and not do what the "cool" people think.

I just hate the way things are DEvolving, and I don't know what to do because no one seems to feel the same around here. It's almost like I'm invisible, and in school I'm just one of the "smart kids" who is expected to do well and have the perfect fucking life. Everyone just needs to grow up and stop jumping to conclusions and judging people, which is what seems to be the root of many of the problems in society today.

All I've got is music, and it seems that its all I'm going to ever have. I just don't care anymore, and that's that. I could whine and complain and be "woe is me" like lots of kids do these days when their boyfriend-of-1-week broke their heart, but what is that going to do? I'm hoping that what I'm experiencing now and how I'm growing up will help me out when I'm older to be the person I want to be.

Phoenix FM's Top 20 Cure radio

I listened to the Phoenix FM Top 20 Cure radio countdown, and I'm pretty glad the way it turned out. Granted I was listening to it on the internet, so it wasn't the same effect, but it was weird hearing some of the songs from Pornography like 100 Years, The Figurehead, Cold, and then all the other chosen songs that are from the darker end of the Cure discography. I hung out in the chat room and it was quite fun chatting with those of you who were in there. In case any of you stroll by here,then hello! It was nice to meet you. Anyways, it was a cool post-halloween gathering of cure fans galore. Thanks Phoenix FM and thanks CoF for updating the list for everyone who missed out on the event. I hope there are more events like that to come. It was cool knowing that everyone who you were chatting with were listening to the same songs as you at the same time. It was a really connecting kind of thing, especially with the "arms in the air" part. I'm glad I sat in and listened to it.

4:13 Dream...

So I got my copy of 4:13 Dream in the mail yesterday and I listened to it on repeat for a few hours. I must say, after hearing the singles, and then this, the recorded versions are better. I didn't really like the "Mix 13" version of Freakshow, and I was on the edge of "so-so" for the other ones. I do like them better on the studio version. I'm finding lots of their songs to be really great after a few listens, and they catch on quickly. I heard the whole Rome show and found the song order a bit odd. It's partly the sandwich of The Reasons Why, Freakshow, and then Sirensong. But I got over it. I just think the production quality could have been a little better as far as not trying to make everything above-the-red-needle loud! Plus, Porl's guitar work was so fuzzed out and wah-flangey, it was hard to tell what he was playing over the almost-too-intricate drum beats and constant symbol crashes. Other than that though, I think Robert's vocals were pretty good as far as not sounding like yelling into the microphone like I've heard people say about "The Cure" (I don't own that one yet).

On the other hand, there are some quite good songs on the album. I think Underneath the Stars is the best opener since Plainsong. I also really like The Reasons Why, Sirensong, The Hungry Ghost...and well, I actually fancy quite a few of them! The lyrics were kinda o.k. for me, they were just really long winded, not the simple stuff. Lots of almost 'image creating' lyrics that told somewhat of a story, kind of like on Wish with songs like Open. I definitely see a lot of similarities between Wish and 4:13 Dream.

Overall it was quite good. I'm not disappointed or anything, I'm sure I'll like it even more after a week of constant ear-flooding with it, so all is well in the Cure world. Just the way I like it to be! Bravo Robert, Simon, Porl, and Jason!

Too confusing...

What is it that makes people so two faced? How can you pretend to be perfectly honest to someone, and then turn around and promise the exact opposite to somebody else? Which face are you supposed to believe? The one that looks at you like always in their honest way, or the one with their back turned to you that you know is saying the exact opposite? This stuff is too confusing, and it may ruin a friendship.

This puzzles me...

So I talk to my friends sometimes about what I've been doing with my "band mates" in terms of playing and whatnot, and I have told them about how I'm entering the talent show for my guitar playing, but they still don't really register that I actually play. I don't know if they just assume that when I say "play" I mean "Own an acoustic guitar and sing mediocre songs from the radio" or what, but today in school I showed one of my friends an mp3 of the cover we are working on, and she said "Is that really you guys playing?" and there was another track where I did all the instruments except vocals, and she again, asked "Is that really you?". It's pretty much like "Well, duh, its me, what have I been talking about all along?" I want to go to music school, but nobody takes it serious when you tell them you are actually good at something. Even my mom was really suprised when she heard me playing on the mp3. It's like, Come ON! I've only been playing guitar in my room with the amp too loud for five years now, and you finally catch on because I'm playing a well known song that really isn't hard in the first place? I just don't get it. I'm doing the talent show, not for recognition or anything, but because the PRINCIPAL (yes, principal of the school) signed us up for it because she heard our project where we recorded some crappy ramones and black sabbath covers with some historical lyrics. So now I'm gonna be playing "Paranoid" for all to hear. Whoopee, and first prize is a 75 dollar Wal Mart gift card, yay, it's what I always wanted. *cough*sarcasm*cough*cough*

More than a Short Term Effect

So I was 13 when I first heard The Cure, and I knew I was onto something after the first drum fill of the classic "Just Like Heaven". I searched for a few months for a Cure CD of any kind, and I couldn't find any (I don't live near any malls). Eventually I found 1 Cure Greatest Hits cd at Walmart, so of course I bought it. I listened to it all the way through, and I really loved it, especially songs like A Forest. I did a bit more research on The Cure, and I figured that with so many albums, I might as well start from their first. So I went out on iTunes (ugg) and downloaded Boys Don't Cry. Then I got Seventeen Seconds, Faith, and so on.

Some of the "big" albums that are really important to me are, well really all of them, but more specifically Pornography, Faith, and Disintegration. Robert Smith is the best lyricist ever IMO, and the words that are seemingly random and scattered at a first glance end up making perfect sense in some subconcious way. He says what I feel better than I ever could. There is something unexplainable that happens when you get engulfed in a song and you just want to float away forever, soaking up every second of it. This may sound odd, but if I had to chose between dying happy, or dying absolutely miserable but being engulfed in a Cure song, I would chose the latter. The Cure has made a pretty big impact on me, they resparked my love of music, and gave me something to hold onto when everything else is falling apart. I can't stand mainstream crap that gets regurgitated every couple weeks by a different artist, and the Cure is something that has already stood the test of time. Simon Gallup actually inspired me to play the bass guitar (I had already been playing regular guitar). They have been so involved in my life, I honestly don't know where I would be without them.

I've been working on getting all of their albums, but my lack-of-money restricts my cd buying, especially since I had been saving for a new guitar (which I bought). As of right now, I have:

• Boys Don't Cry (I downloaded tracks from Three Imaginary Boys that weren't on BDC)
• Seventeen Seconds
• Faith
• Pornography
  
• The Top
• The Head on the Door
• Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me
• Disintegration
• Wish
• Join the Dots: B-Sides and Rarities

I just picked up the Join The Dots box set, since I was in need of some "rare" gems like Lament, The Exploding Boy, and everything else. It was definitely worth the 50 some dollars. I recently found a genious way that doesn't require any downloading in order to get songs you can play online, so I've been getting some tracks from Bloodflowers until I go out and buy the album soon.

I also have the Festival 2005 DVD, Trilogy DVD, The Cure in Orange VHS, and the Staring at the Sea: The Images VHS.

The Cure to me is more than just a Short Term Effect, which is pretty much what the mainstream music world is to the rest of the people who have to let corporations think for them and what they like.

Well now...

My first blog. Yay!...or Yay? Who knows. Maybe this will be something that I check every day, unlike my LiveJournal, or Yahoo 360 crap. Who knows really. This is just for my random thoughts, music posts (I do covers) and just babbling of all sorts. I hope this isn't the crappiest blog you've ever read. I certainly hope that it isn't the best. I'm not trying to be "worthy". So, yeah.